What Hurts Us Don't Hurt Her Anymore

The queen of suffering no longer suffers and we'll miss her very much (...) "everyone will suffer”. If you're suffering, I understand, so am I, however, if you are going to console yourself, think like this:"She left us for another time" and out of gratitude we showld not suffer. Evolving requires rethinking the ephemeral nature of reincarnations, the moment is an invitation to become nostalgic, return to the heart, if you have a heart, of course. My farewell to her, wonderful, blonde, poet Marília Mendonça, includes a photo of me showing no pain and the opening of my heart (...) "I discount the sadness saying for many hours of saying I miss you".

On Monday, 11/1/2021, November opened in silence, people of the house went to the cemetery. In practice, this means a few hours of peace "absence of gratuitous hostilities, absence of successive sneezes, sarcastic yawns". I turned on the "modern typewriter" to better enjoy my day, although my heart was begging to play the flute. During short breaks to relax, including relaxation of the spine, I went to the backyard, photographed flowers and butterflies, watched the planes flying overhead the sky (…) in the mind shone incredible memories of people who left us quickly - flying - images interspersed with another image of the harbinger of the singer “Paula Fernandes”. Since Sunday, 10/31/2021, I had omen of death for her and this saddened me. I saw your image a bit blurry, disheveled and out of shape. Paula Fernandes is always impeccably coiffed, slim, in the omen I could see it differently, as if she were transformed into another person, chubby and dishevelled - I tried to ignore your image in my head by focusing on myself and watching at other distractions while I playing say goodbye to the plane and talking to myself, as always, I asked the birds, the butterflies and the flowers if my daughter was there, inside the plane. I miss her immensely, by the way, at the time of her nineteenth birthday she dominates my days apart from the agony of not knowing anything from her since July 2019, so, as much as I dedicated myself to finish the The Name Of The Flower, the mind wandered in omen of death - nothing spectacular considering it's early November. Suddenly I felt emotional hunger, I began to feel an unusual desire to eat a sweet, tasty, different and unattainable dessert, because of the impossibilities of my hyposufficiency, poverty, in the last days of coronavirus cocoon. My Emergency Aid has not been paid because I was "falsely" notified by "Dataprev" as a resident abroad, although the notification is ridiculous, revealing, even, of the possibility of worse nappies in the Federal Government's databases, because I voted on national territory in the last election, because I had a Loas/BPC request at the INSS in 2017, because I have no passport and no bank account domiciled abroad, ridiculous is such a notification, but because of this, this ridiculous notification from Dataprev, I still have not received financial emergency aid, even with the positive verdict of the TRF3 the money does not reach the "Caixa", still no dessert.

The desire to eat the surprise dessert was throbbing on the tip of my tongue, when I found out, hidden in the fridge a little package with chocolate. I opened the packages and ate everything, five chocolates, I already ate thinking about the consequence, a familiar mob because of my bad education (eat someone else's chocolate without permission). When the people came back from the cemetery came to pick them up it would all be in my belly, I knew in advance that I would hear hysterical screams accusing me of "selfishness" and I already had the answer ready: “when I get Emergency Aid from the government, I will compensate for their loss with chocolate".

I came out of the cold wing, next to the fridge and went to the living room, where I write on the modern typewriter, when I was surprised by two hummingbirds, I had an incredible scare because I was without my magnifying glass, then I confused two hummingbirds with a bat attack. I have high myopia and I don't wear glasses because I don't have money to buy them, my glasses are a magnifying glass worth $2.00 bought on sale. My feeling changed as I saw them and heard them, because I felt the visit was like a farewell to friends, like the arrival of a message to decipher, intuitively I called one of the hummingbirds "Paula" and I went in search of my mobile phone to photograph and film them when one of them disappeared. So, I knew in my heart that I would soon receive news of a tragedy. Someone was about to disincarnate and decided to say goodbye using the body of a hummingbird.

I felt something similar the night they tried to kill me and I was also visited by a bird similar a hummingbird, the bird brought me the message “you need to run away/ today you can't sleep/ you need to run away”, over and over again through its different and sad song. I felt something similar, however, without the presence of a bird, when I was served a plate of "okra" - and purely by intuition, I threw the food in the dogs' meadow, three days later a pregnant dog appeared dead. I felt similar something when I started to realize my husband’s secret crush on a belly dancer, Daniela, he also fell in love with a certain handsome “Moreno” and my sister. The day of the accident of the journalist Ricardo Boechat, I was about to register letters in FBN by Funarte SP, when I had the premonition of a train accident, I took the train in Jundiaí to arrive in Sao Paulo, on that day I felt an unusual nostalgia, I opened the gate to leave, however, being faithful to my intuition I decided to postpone the trip. A few hours later, the helicopter crash was reported on TV, the accident happened in the surroundings of Jundiaí, two hours later, the TV reported being on that helicopter the journalist Ricardo Boechat, later, still moved, I decided to make a General Analysis of the events and dedicate my song to him: “Análise Geral”. In “The Last Slice Of The Cake” I turn these insights into romance, the work registration of work, by Funarte for FBN, has not yet arrived, since 18/12/2019, I suspect censorship and fear of publication by my tormentors ad caterva in addition to FBN's excuse for two-year delay in sending the work registration is merely due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Interestingly, the mobile phone rang twice on Monday and the calls were missed, unknown numbers (019) 2660-0857 and (019) 3031-3172 reported telemarketing calls. However, I noticed that there was a missed call number, mobile number (019) 98964-3608 registered on 30/10/2021 Saturday, and four calls from the same number not attended in previous days, I made an association of this coincidence again I observed the omen of disincarnation - collective disincarnation between artists interpreted my intuition, and still in my mind, there was the image of the singer from “Fire Bird”, Paula Fernandes. To fool intuition, I decided to publish a picture of the hummingbird on the blog. The next day, 11/02/2021, I still felt omens and decided to dispel this feeling by posting a photo of a butterfly on the blog and the chorus of “Búlgara Anécdote – Panapaná”.

On Wednesday, 11/03/2021, a group of five teenagers between twelve and sixteen years old, well nourished, well dressed, white as hydrogen peroxide, hair well-groomed like bonsai, potential terrorists, recidivists by verbally assaulting me, recidivists by shouting curses at my gate by maliciously associating with PROSTITUTES, boys sent by “adult terrorist Pombagira" - coward they joined to break a glass bottle at my door and say hostile words (...) I was in the living room searching the internet - on sites like "Who called"- was trying to find the origin of the mobile phone call (019) 989643608, the search result was “Fazenda Ipanema” “Sorocaba” land lots on sale, weird discovery, because “Sorocaba” is the hometown of my daughter's stepmother, the woman without empathy, however, with "euros", envious woman trying to impersonate me in another country (justifiable observation) I think, still, it may be the bad faith scam couple's, the hidden obstacle behind the payment impediment of my Emergency Aid by the federal government. I got nervous and went out of the house to try to photograph the teenage bullies.

While I walked along the sidewalk, even without a mask, I made by insight the boys' association with Monday's chocolate and the omen of death. The boys disappeared quickly, even without giving any indication of having entered a car or house,I don't know how they disappeared, so I got rid of the omen of death with "Paula Fernandes", thinking that one of those boys would be the victim of a fatal accident soon.

The week came to an end and I needed to go to TRF3 Campinas on Friday, however, it could not be scheduled, ran the risk of getting there, not being answered and miss the day, I couldn't afford this luxury because I was finishing a literary work to celebrate the nineteenth birthday of my daughter, Totó, future registration by FBN, and still feeling a slight sense of omen of death, like the day of the accident of the journalist Ricardo Boechat. I went to write, while I was writing I realized that I hadn't played my flute for practically the whole week, between one word and another, as I write, I like to listen music, I chose to listen to Paula Fernandes and I was surprised to see the image of a hummingbird in sequential appearances of next videos suggested by YouTube - the title, “The Meaning Of The Hummingbird's Visit To Your House - The Best Explanation!” from the “The Universe and Dreams" channel soon attracted me, I watched it, I liked it, however, I had a sense of placebo. I threw myself at work in silence, without listening to music, at the end of the day my spine hurt, the butt hurts, everything hurts and the brain is crashing.

Someone interrupted me asking for help doing research on “rue” - she had an itchy head, she was going to wash her hair with “rue tea”, before, however, she wanted to research if she was going to do the right thing, the right thing would be “rosemary tea”, while doing research on rue on YouTube, I also researched flower names for women, even discovering to be "Paula" the name of a cactus flower, I noticed, too, the appearance of the image of the singer Marília Mendonça, repeatedly, in several sequential videos suggested by YouTube, following news of plane crash.

I clicked on one of the videos, the couple of journalists repeated the information provided by the press office of singer Marília Mendonça saying that the "Show" was cancellation due to the accident, however, she would be fine, I turned on the TV and soon learned of the news of the death of five people in a plane crash, including the singer Marília Mendonça. The omens of the hummingbird took the form of the crash, I cried as if I had received your visit in a farewell tone, in the body of a hummingbird, without, however, being able to see her.

Mediumship is not exact but in no way should it be "despised" or "medicated"- I received the news with sadness and indignation, there are "Pombagiras gurgling", people who are not worth a lock of the blonde hair of the young woman who disincarnated, I wonder why she and not one of those "Pombagiras" (?) and I take this opportunity to offer condolences to all to the relatives of the five discarnates. If I was unaware of having any kind of spiritual relationship with the singer Marília Mendonça, now I feel a spiritual obligation to dedicate a song to her and another one to dear Paula - Marília left us, but she also leaves us with saudade. A TV station chose to show a photo of the singer Marília Mendonça in the background of the news broadcast of the accident, in the photo on display she was a little disheveled, younger, chubby, full-faced, I cried with emotion, it was this image of her that I saw in the omen with Paula Fernandes, “to hide sadness waterproof makeup is useless”, I have reasons to be this sad". The blonde poet girl with the powerful voice became missed here at home too, “what hurts us no longer hurts her”.

Adilma Vegetariana

4,531 days without my daughter

(read process 0006423-13.2009.8.26.0114/Campinas/ São Paulo/Brasil 3rd Family and Succession Court)